hmm.. he could be here now
2002-03-30 / 10:47 a.m.

tick toc tick toc tick toc

The game is still being played. GS is not here as I had hoped would happen, and he is emotionally tapped out and wants to back off for a while. I get it but I don't. I hate to love him but I don't. I wish I'd never gotten into this mess but I don't.

I should have an ulcer.

I wish this Sunday wasn't Easter. I'd like to stay home and do nothing instead of spending my day at my parents house. However, the good of it is I wouldn't be able to sit my ass in front of the computer waiting for his emails. No, I'll sit at their house and tap my fingers and tap my toes, wondering if he's there online. Is he thinking of me? Is he wanted to call me on Easter since that seemed so important to him to be here on that day? What alternate plans did he make when he found out he wasn't coming here?

I'll rush home, speeding down the interstate, dropping everything as I walk in the door. I'll check my phone and find no call and I'll run to the computer to see no email. I'll feel let down and think... what a wasted day! I ruined it by being so preoccupied with thoughts of him and if I'm on his mind.

Now I daydream of losing some poundage and heading out there one day and meeting up with him. I think I could look rather pretty with a little makeup and the right clothes. I'm no doggie.

But I daydream way too much.