tonights thoughts
2002-03-27 / 8:22 p.m.

Fifteen bazillion different things going thru my head.

No call back yet from the Dr's office. Should I call? Yeah, I know I should, I'm just looking for excuses.

And GS is still coming this weekend and staying for a whole week. I've got his flight number, hotel number. I have all but the room number.

I miss the phone sex. I keep thinking "just one more time and then I can let go". I used to be one of those people who thought phone sex was for the hopeless horndog next door. Never ever in my life would I be caught doing something so pathetic! No never! Well, when it's all you have...

I imagine the real thing would have been beautiful.

Over and over I say my name, hoping to snap out of it, remember who I am. I am KC. I have a wonderful husband and daughter. I have a decent home, not so crappy job.

So I'm not barbie and Thug's not Ken. So it isn't as new and exciting as it once was. So what? He still scratches my back at night and remembers to always give me the salad fork, not the big fork. He opens the door for me and says he loves me out of the blue.

So why can't I be satisfied with that?